| Being
a Righteous Husband and Father
My dear brethren of the priesthood,
I consider it a privilege to meet with you this evening in this general
priesthood meeting. The priesthood is the greatest brotherhood on the earth.
I feel great strength in seeing your faithfulness and feeling your love
and sustaining vote. We are particularly grateful to have so many of our
Aaronic Priesthood brethren here with their fathers or advisers.
Marriage Is a
Sacred Privilege and Obligation
The subject of my address this evening
will be more particularly directed to the husbands and fathers. All of
you who hold the Aaronic Priesthood will soon arrive at the years of marriage
and fatherhood. Therefore, what I say tonight has application to all present.
I wish to speak of the relationship
that a man who holds the priesthood should have with his wife and children.
With a knowledge of the plan of salvation as a foundation, a man who holds
the priesthood looks upon marriage as a sacred privilege and obligation.
It is not good for man nor for woman to be alone. Man is not complete without
woman. Neither can fill the measure of their creation without the other
(see I Corinthians II: I 1; Moses 3:18). Marriage between a man and a woman
is ordained of God (see D&C 49:15-17). Only through the new and everlasting
covenant of marriage can they realize the fullness of eternal blessings
(see D&C 131:1-4; 132:15-19). As a matter of priesthood responsibility,
a man, under normal circumstances, should not unduly postpone marriage.
Brethren, the Lord has spoken plainly on this matter. It is your sacred
and solemn responsibility to follow his counsel and the words of his prophets.
The prophets of the past have spoken
also of those who may not have opportunity to marry in this life. President
Lorenzo Snow said:
"There is no Latter-day Saint who dies
after having lived a faithful life who will lose any- thing because of
having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished
him or her. In other words, if a young man or a young woman has no opportunity
of getting married, and they live faithful lives up to the time of their
death, they will have all the blessings, exaltation, and glory that any
man or woman will have who had this opportunity and improved it. That is
sure and positive" (The Teachings of Lorenzo Snow, comp. Clyde J.
Williams [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1984], p. 138).
I believe President Snow's statement
to be true.
Show Perfect
Moral Fidelity
A man who holds the priesthood shows
perfect moral fidelity to his wife and gives her no reason to doubt his
faithfulness. A husband is to love his wife with all his heart and cleave
unto her and none else (see D&C 42:22-26). President Spencer W. Kimball
explained:
"The words none else eliminate
everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life
of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor
political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take
precedence over the companion spouse" (The Miracle of Forgiveness
[Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1969], p. 250).
The Lord forbids and his church condemns
any and every intimate relationship outside of marriage. Infidelity on
the part of a man breaks the heart of his wife and loses her confidence
and the confidence of his children (see Jacob 2:35).
Be faithful in your marriage covenants
in thought, word, and deed. Pornography, flirtations, and unwholesome fantasies
erode one's character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage.
Unity and trust within a marriage are thereby destroyed. One who does not
control his thoughts and thus commits adultery in his heart, if he does
not repent, shall not have the Spirit but shall deny the faith and shall
fear (see D&C 42:23; 63:16).
Show Reverence
for Motherhood
A man who holds the priesthood has
reverence for motherhood. Mothers are given a sacred privilege to "bear
the souls of men; for herein is the work of [the] Father continued, that
he may be glorified" (D&C 132:63).
,
The First Presidency has said: "Motherhood
is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by
mankind' (in James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency
of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 vols. [Salt Lake
City: Bookcraft, 1965-75], 6:178). The priesthood cannot work out its destiny,
nor can God's purposes be fulfilled, without our helpmates. Mothers perform
a labor the priesthood cannot do. For this gift of life, the priesthood
should have love unbounded for the mothers of their children.
Honor your wife's unique and divinely
appointed role as a mother in Israel and her special capacity to bear and
nurture children. We are under divine commandment to multiply and replenish
the earth and to bring up our children and grandchildren in light and truth
(see Moses 2:28; D&C 93:40). You share, as a loving partner, the care
of the children. Help her to manage and keep up your home. Help teach,
train, and discipline your children.
You should express regularly to your
wife and children your reverence for her. Indeed, one of the greatest things
a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
Regard the Family
as Mot Important
A man who holds the priesthood regards
the family as ordained of God. Your leadership of the family is your most
important and sacred responsibility. The family is the most important unit
in time and in eternity and, as such, transcends every other interest in
life.
We reiterate what was stated by President
David 0. McKay: "No other success [in life] can compensate for failure
in the home' (quoting J. E. McCulloch, Home: The Savior of Civilization,
p. 42; in Conference Report, Apr. 1935, p. 116) and President Harold B.
Lee:
"The most important of the Lord's work
you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes" (Stand
Ye in Holy Places [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1974], p. 255).
Effective family leadership, brethren, requires both quantity and quality
time. The teaching and governance of the family must not be left to your
wife alone, to society, to school, or even to the Church.
Accept Your Wife
as an Equal Partner
A man who holds the priesthood accepts
his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full
knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto.
Of necessity there must be in the Church and in the home a presiding officer
(see D&C 107:21). By divine appointment, the responsibility to preside
in the home rests upon the priesthood holder (see Moses 4:22). The Lord
intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man (meet means equal)-that is,
a companion equal and necessary in full partnership. Presiding in righteousness
necessitates a shared responsibility between husband and wife; together
you act with knowledge and participation in all family matters. For a man
to operate independently of or without regard to the feelings and counsel
of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion.
Be Tender in
the Intimate Relationship
Keep yourselves above any domineering
or unworthy behavior in the tender, intimate relationship between husband
and wife. Because marriage is ordained of God, the intimate relationship
between husbands and wives is good and honorable in the eyes of God. He
has commanded that they be one flesh and that they multiply and replenish
the earth (see Moses 2:28; 3:24). You are to love your wife as Christ loved
the Church and gave himself for it (see Ephesians 5:25-31).
Tenderness and respect-never selfishness-
must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband
and wife. Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other's
needs and desires. Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior
in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the
Lord.
Be Loving, Not
Abusive
Any man who abuses or demeans his wife
physically or spiritually is guilty of grievous sin and in need of sincere
and serious repentance. Differences should be worked out in love and kindness
and with a spirit of mutual reconciliation. A man should always speak to
his wife lovingly and kindly, treating her with the utmost respect. Marriage
is like a tender flower, brethren, and must be nourished constantly with
expressions of love and affection.
You who hold the priesthood must not
be abusive in your relationship with children. Seek always to employ the
principles of priesthood government set forth in the revelations (see D&C
93:40; 121:34-36, 41-45).
President George Albert Smith wisely
counseled: "We should not lose our tempers and abuse one another... Nobody
ever abused anybody else when he had the spirit of the Lord. It is always
when we have some other spirit' (in Conference Report, Oct. 1950, p. 8).
No man who has been ordained to the
priest- hood of God can with impunity abuse his wife or child. Sexual abuse
of children has long been a cause for excommunication from the Church.
We encourage you, brethren, to remember
that priesthood is a righteous authority only. Earn the respect and confidence
of your children through your loving relationship with them. A righteous
father protects his children with his time and presence in their social,
educational, and spiritual activities and responsibilities. Tender expressions
of love and affection toward children are as much the responsibility of
the father as the mother. Tell your children you love them.
Provide Temporal
Support
You who hold the priesthood have the
responsibility, unless disabled, to provide temporal support for your wife
and children. No man can shift the burden of responsibility to another,
not even to his wife. The Lord has commanded that women and children have
claim on their husbands and fathers for their maintenance (see D&C
83; 1 Timothy 5:8). President Ezra Taft Benson has stated that when a husband
encourages or insists that his wife work out of the home for their convenience,
"not only will the family suffer in such instances.... but [his] own spiritual
growth and progression will be hampered" (in Conference Report, Oct. 1987,
pp. 60-61; or Ensign, Nov. 1987, p. 49).
We urge you to do all in your power
to allow your wife to remain in the home, caring for the children while
you provide for the family the best you can. We further emphasize that
men who abandon their family and fail to meet their responsibility to care
for those they have fathered may find their eligibility for a temple recommend
and their standing in the Church in jeopardy. In cases of divorce or separation,
men must demonstrate that they are meeting family support payments mandated
by law and obligated by the principles of the Church in order to qualify
for the blessings of the Lord.
Lead Family in
Church Participation
A man who holds the priesthood leads
his family in Church participation so they will know the gospel and be
under the protection of the covenants and ordinances. If you are to enjoy
the blessings of the Lord, you must set your own homes in order. Together
with your wife, you determine the spiritual climate of your home. Your
first obligation is to get your own spiritual life in order through regular
scriptural study and daily prayer. Secure and honor your priesthood and
temple covenants; encourage your family to do the same.
Teach the Gospel
to Family Members
Take seriously your responsibility
to teach the gospel to your family through regular family home evening,
family prayer, devotional and scripture reading time, and other teaching
moments. Give special emphasis to preparation for missionary service and
temple marriage. As patriarch in the home, exercise your priesthood through
performing the appropriate ordinances for your family and by giving blessings
to your wife and children. Next to your own salvation, brethren, there
is nothing so important to you as the salvation of your wife and children.
Brethren, I have spoken plainly to
you regarding your responsibility as holders of the holy priesthood. If
there are areas in your life where improvement may be needed, I encourage
you to make this a matter of prayerful consideration.
I testify that this is what the Lord
would have the brethren of the priesthood receive at this time. May you
be blessed in your efforts to be righteous husbands and fathers, I pray
as I bear solemn witness of the truthfulness of that which has been spoken
this evening and do so in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, amen. |