| To
the Fathers in Israel
My dear brethren, I am grateful to
be here with you in this glorious assembly of the priesthood of God. I
pray that the Spirit of the Lord will be with me and with you as I address
you on a most vital subject. This evening I would like to speak to the
fathers assembled here and throughout the Church about their sacred callings.
I hope you young men will also listen
carefully, inasmuch as you are now preparing to become the future fathers
of the Church.
Fathers, yours is an eternal calling
from which you are never released. Callings in the Church, as important
as they are, by their very nature are only for a period of time, and then
an appropriate release takes place. But a father's calling is eternal,
and its importance transcends time. It is a calling for both time and eternity.
President Harold B. Lee truly stated
that "the most important of the Lord's work that you [fathers] will ever
do will be the work you do within the walls of your own home. Home teaching,
bishopric's work, and other Church duties are all important, but the most
important work is within the walls of your home" (Strengthening the
Home [pamphlet, 1973), p. 7).
What, then, is a father's specific
responsibility within the sacred walls of his home? May I suggest two basic
responsibilities of every father in Israel.
Providing for
Material Needs
First, you have a sacred responsibility
to provide for the material needs of your family.
The Lord clearly defined the roles
of providing for and rearing a righteous posterity. In the beginning, Adam,
not Eve, was instructed to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow.
The Apostle Paul counsels husbands
and fathers, "But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those
of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel"
(1 Timothy 5:8).
Early in the history of the restored
Church, the Lord specifically charged men with the obligation to provide
for their wives and family. In January of 1832 He said, "Verily I say unto
you, that every man who is obliged to provide for his own family, let him
provide, and he shall in nowise lose his crown" (D&C 75:28). Three
months later the Lord said again, "Women have claim on their husbands for
their maintenance, until their husbands are taken" (D&C 83:2). This
is
the divine right of a wife and mother. While she cares for and nourishes
her children at home, her husband earns the living for the family, which
makes this nourishing possible.
In a home where there is an able-bodied
husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands
who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect the
wives to go out of the home and work, even though the husband is still
capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband
to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for
the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can,
even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting
may have to be tighter.
Also, the need for education or material
things does not justify the postponing of children in order to keep the
wife working as the breadwinner of the family.
Counsel of President
Kimball
I remember the counsel of our beloved
prophet Spencer W. Kimball to married students. He said: "I have told tens
of thousands of young folks that when they marry they should not wait for
children until they have finished their schooling and financial desires....They
should live together normally and let the children come ....
"I know of no scriptures," President
Kimball continued, "where an authorization is given to young wives to withhold
their families and to go to work to put their husbands through school.
There are thousands of husbands who have worked their own way through school
and have reared families at the same time" ("Marriage Is Honorable," in
Speeches
of the Year, 1973 [Provo: Brigham Young University, 1974], p. 263).
A Mother�s Role
in the Home
Brethren of the priesthood, I continue
to emphasize the importance of mothers staying home to nurture, care for,
and train their children in the principles of righteousness.
As I travel throughout the Church,
I feel that the great majority of Latter-day Saint mothers earnestly want
to follow this counsel. But we know that sometimes the mother works outside
of the home at the encouragement, or even insistence, of her husband. It
is he who wants the items of convenience that the extra income can buy.
Not only will the family suffer in such instances, brethren, but your own
spiritual growth and progression will be hampered. I say to all of you,
the Lord has charged men with the responsibility to provide for their families
in such a way that the wife is allowed to fulfill her role as mother in
the home.
Family Preparedness
More Urgent Today
Fathers, another vital aspect of providing
for the material needs of your family is the provision you should be making
for your family in case of an emergency. Family preparedness has been a
long-established welfare principle. It is even more urgent today. I ask
you earnestly, have you provided for your family a year's supply of food,
clothing, and, where possible, fuel? The revelation to produce and store
food may be as essential to our temporal welfare today as boarding the
ark was to the people in the days of Noah.
Also, are you living within your income
and saving a little?
Are you honest with the Lord in the
payment of your tithes? Living this divine law will bring both spiritual
and material blessings.
Yes, brethren, as fathers in Israel
you have a great responsibility to provide for the material needs of your
family and to have the necessary provisions in case of emergency.
Providing Spiritual
Leadership
Second, you have a sacred responsibility
to provide spiritual leadership in your family.
In a pamphlet published some years
ago by the Council of the Twelve, we said the following: "Fatherhood is
leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so;
it always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement
of your eternal companion, you preside in the home" (Father, Consider
Your Ways [pamphlet, 1973], pp. 4-5).
However, along with that presiding
position come important obligations. We sometimes hear accounts of men,
even in the Church, who think that being head of the home somehow puts
them in a superior role and allows them to dictate and make demands upon
their family.
The Apostle Paul points out that "the
husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the
church" (Ephesians 5:23; italics added). That is the model we are to follow
in our role of presiding in the home. We do not find the Savior leading
the Church with a harsh or unkind hand. We do not find the Savior treating
His Church with disrespect or neglect. We do not find the Savior using
force or coercion to accomplish His purposes. Nowhere do we find the Savior
doing anything but that which edifies, uplifts, comforts, and exalts the
Church. Brethren, I say to you with all soberness, He is the model we must
follow as we take the spiritual lead in our families.
Particularly is this true in your relationship
with your wife.
Love Your Wife
Here again the counsel from the Apostle
Paul is most beautiful and to the point, He said simply, "Husbands, love
your wives, even as Christ also loved the church" (Ephesians 5:25).
In latter-day revelation the Lord speaks
again of this obligation. He said, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy
heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else" (D&C 42:22). To my
knowledge there is only one other thing in all scripture that we are commanded
to love with all our hearts, and that is God Himself. Think what that means!
This kind of love can be shown for
your wives in so many ways. First and foremost, nothing except God Himself
takes priority over your wife in your life--not work, not recreation, not
hobbies. Your wife is your precious, eternal helpmate--your companion.
What does it mean to love someone with
all your heart? It means to love with all your emotional feelings and with
all your devotion. Surely when you love your wife with all your heart,
you cannot demean her, criticize her, find fault with her, or abuse her
by words, sullen behavior, or actions.
What does it mean to "cleave unto her"?
It means to stay close to her, to be loyal and faithful to her, to communicate
with her, and to express your love for her.
Love means being sensitive to her feelings
and needs. She wants to be noticed and treasured. She wants to be told
that you view her as lovely and attractive and important to you. Love means
putting her welfare and self-esteem as a high priority in your life.
You should be grateful that she is
the mother of your children and the queen of your home, grateful that she
has chosen homemaking and motherhood--to bear, to nourish, to love, and
to train your children as the noblest calling of all.
Husbands, recognize your wife's intelligence
and her ability to counsel with you as a real partner regarding family
plans, family activities, and family budgeting. Don't be stingy with your
time or with your means. Give her the opportunity to grow intellectually,
emotionally, and socially as well as spiritually.
Remember, brethren, love can be nurtured
and nourished by little tokens. Flowers on special occasions are wonderful,
but so is your willingness to help with the dishes, change diapers, get
up with a crying child in the night, and leave the television or the newspaper
to help with the dinner. Those are the quiet ways we say "I love you" with
our actions. They bring rich dividends for such little effort.
This kind of loving priesthood leadership
applies to your children as well as to your wife.
A Father�s Role
in the Home
Mothers play an important role as the
heart of the home, but this in no way lessens the equally important role
fathers should play, as head of the home, in nurturing, training, and loving
their children.
As the patriarch in your home, you
have a serious responsibility to assume leadership in working with your
children. You must help create a home where the Spirit of the Lord can
abide. Your place is to give direction to all family life. You should take
an active part in establishing family rules and discipline.
Your homes should be havens of peace
and joy for your family. Surely no child should fear his own father especially
a priesthood father. A father's duty is to make his home a place of happiness
and joy. He cannot do this when there is bickering, quarreling, contention,
or unrighteous behavior. The powerful effect of righteous fathers in setting
an example, disciplining and training, nurturing and loving is vital to
the spiritual welfare of his children.
Ten Ways to Give
Spiritual Leadership
With love in my heart for the fathers
in Israel, may I suggest ten specific ways that fathers can give spiritual
leadership to their children:
1. Give father's blessings to your
children. Baptize and confirm your children. Ordain your sons to the priesthood.
These will become spiritual highlights in the lives of your children.
2. Personally direct family prayers,
daily scripture reading, and weekly family home evenings.
Your personal involvement will show your children how important these activities
really are.
3. Whenever possible, attend Church
meetings together as a family. Family worship under your leadership
is vital to your children's spiritual welfare.
4. Go on daddy-daughter dates and father-and-sons'
outings with your children. As a family, go on campouts and
picnics, to ball games and recitals, to school programs, and so forth.
Having Dad there makes all the difference.
5. Build traditions of family vacations
and trips and outings. These memories will never be
forgotten by your children.
6. Have regular one-on-one visits with
your children. Let them talk about what they would like to.
Teach them gospel principles. Teach them true values. Tell them you love
them. Personal time with your children tells them where Dad puts his priorities.
7. Teach your children to work, and
show them the value of working toward a worthy goal.
Establishing mission funds and education funds for your children shows
them what Dad considers to be important.
8. Encourage good music and art and
literature in your homes. Homes that have a spirit of
refinement and beauty will bless the lives of your children forever.
9. As distances allow, regularly attend
the temple with your wife. Your children will then better
understand the importance of temple marriage and temple vows and the eternal
family unit.
10. Have your children see your joy
and satisfaction in service to the Church. This can become
contagious to them, so they, too, will want to serve in the Church and
will love the kingdom.
Your Most Important
Calling
Oh, husbands and fathers in Israel,
you can do so much for the salvation and exaltation of your families! Your
responsibilities are so important.
Remember your sacred calling as a father
in Israel your most important calling in time and eternity--a calling from
which you will never be released.
May you always provide for the material
needs of your family and, with your eternal companion at your side, may
you fulfil your sacred responsibility to provide the spiritual leadership
in your home.
To this end I pray, in the name of
Jesus Christ, amen. |